


murder in the toilet

by jamieme



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Peter, Trans Peter, have i mentioned they're in love?, pure fluff, supportive and loving wade, there's lit rally no plot, theyre so in love, this is actually the cutest shit ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 12:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21392437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamieme/pseuds/jamieme
Summary: Babey Boo _(┐「ε:)_7:14 pmUhhhh there’s lots of boxes here7:14 pmwhat should I get?7:16 pmBabyyyyy hhh pls idk what to choose and this lady is looking at me weird7:19 pmok well hope these r the right onessurprise period ft loving dumbasses who love each other
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 229





	murder in the toilet

**Author's Note:**

> kinda got my period today. didnt like that. writing this fic to cope.
> 
> (Edit: it should be noted that I am also non-binary)

“Shit!” Peter exclaimed from the inside of the bathroom.

There’s a flurry of footsteps heard outside, running (and tripping) towards the restroom.

Wade presses his ear against the bathroom door, “You alright in there, baby boy?”

Peter’s still hovering over the toilet, ass in the air and legs spread apart, “There’s been a murder in the toilet.”

And they were having such a nice movie night.

He hears Wade gasp, then make a noise of confusion (he can practically _ see _Wade tilting his head), then finally ask, “Wait, what?”

Then before Peter can explain- 

“Ohhhhhhhh, _ that _ kind of murder. Do you need anything, Petey?” 

And now Peter is slightly confused, but he’s pretty sure Wade has the right idea. 

Honestly, he should’ve seen this coming (even though he was supposed to have another blood free week). His lower back had been hurting in the morning, and his stomach has Not been Living It Up lately. And he’d literally just eaten olives _ and _ Nutella as a movie snack. Because he was _ craving _ it.

Granted, Wade also ate the same thing, but that’s just because he’s weird like that. When they’re alone at Wade’s apartment, their stupidness really outshines itself. 

He finally just sighs, “Uhhhh, any chance you have tampons?”

Though he already knows the answer, and he’s sure Wade also know the answer, it’s still sweet that he can hear Wade run to his room and then Logan’s room to rummage for tampons.

When he comes back, Wade’s out of breath but still manages to reply, “Yeah, baby boy, we don’t have any. I can run out and get some!”

Without even waiting for Peter’s response, he hears the front door open and shut in a hurry.

A small smile grows on his face. 

Yeah, Wade’s a dumbass, but like, a very cute and thoughtful one.

He’s flushed the toilet and is now layering toilet paper on his boxers. Fortunately, he didn’t bleed onto his underwear at all and managed to pee in time for the blood clot to go down.

_ Ugh, this is gross. And for heck’s sake, it’s gonna hurt to put on a binder now, _Peter grumbled as he tried to figure things out. 

He kind of really hates having a uterus. But he’s working his butt off and saving up money for college and surgery, and Aunt May is saving up money, and he has a really supportive group of friends and boyfriend, and he’s so grateful he passes. Honestly, he has it good. He’s grateful for it. He knows it could be infinitely worse. 

But still. Kinda still hate having a period.

Finally washing his hands, he walks carefully out of the bathroom. He doesn’t really know what to do. He’s never started his period at Wade’s apartment, and while Logan, Wade’s foster dad, was also really accepting of him and also his and wade’s relationship, Peter obviously doesn’t expect them to buy tampons or anything of the sort.

Sitting on the couch could risk him getting blood on it, and he doesn’t really feel like doing that to Logan. But also standing kind of hurts, just a little bit.

He opts out for laying on the wooden floor in between the living room and kitchen. It’s nice.

After a while, he falls asleep without noticing and wakes up to the sound of a door opening.

“Holy- Baby boy? Are you okay? Not pulling a Kakashi on me, are ya?” It’s Wade. A finger pokes his cheek.

Peter squints his eyes open at Wade, seeing a blurry image of blue eyes. When did he take his glasses off?

“Is that an obscure anime reference?” He manages to sit up and runs a hand through his hair.

Wade presses a kiss on his forehead, and it feels really nice. Peter leans into it and drops his head into the slope of Wade’s neck. His scars feel nice against his forehead.

“Not really obscure, baby.” He hears Wade place a plastic bag on the floor.

“It’s still anime. Wow. Nerd.” Peter hums into Wade’s neck. He’s nice and warm. And smells good.

Scoffing, Wade replies, “Oh, yeah? At least I’m not horny over Chewbacca’s ass 24/7.” Peter hears some plastic rustling around him, “Also, were you asleep this whole time?”

“Mmmm, maybe.” Peter finally sits up properly. He rubs his eyes and feels the ground for his glasses. 

Wade runs his hand down his back (nice!!! warm!!) and hands him his glasses, and suddenly he sees Wade crouching in front of him clearly, “Yeah, I texted you, but you didn’t answer… so I hope these are fine.” He holds up a box of tampons.

“You texted me?” Peter gets up from the floor and searches for his phone. 

**Babey Boo _(┐「ε:)_**

**7:14 pm ** _ Uhhhh there’s lots of boxes here _

**7:14 pm ** _ what should I get? _

**7:16 pm ** _ Babyyyyy hhh pls idk what to choose and this lady is looking at me weird _

**7:19 pm ** _ ok well hope these r the right ones _

“Oh, whoops.”

Peter turns to Wade and grabs the box. Then sets it down on the kitchen counter, and promptly hugs the heck out of Wade. Wade hugs back tightly, but like not too tight? Like it’s warm and heavy and it feels _ nice _ . How does Wade _ do _ that?

“Thanks, Wade. These are perfect.” Peter kisses his cheek and manages to pull back far enough to see Wade grinning, scars stretching on his cheeks. Pearly teeth and everything. Gorgeous.

Because he can, Peter then kisses Wade’s nose. And jaw. And mouth. “You’re so cute.”

“You are too, baby boy.” Wade then kisses Peter’s nose and cheek. “Anything else you need? There’s some advil. Then we can sleep if you want. Don’t want that ass to freeze on the floor again. Baby, it’s like 42 degrees out there. The floor is _ cold. _”

“Floor was nice. I think. Also some advil sounds nice.” Peter kisses Wade’s cheek one last time before he steps back. He takes the tampon box once again, “Uh, I’ll be right back.”

Wade nods and goes to search a cupboard for Advil, probably.

Once again in the restroom, Peter puts a tampon in and looks at himself in the mirror.

It’s… easy to get insecure. Probably. It’s obviously always on Peter’s mind whether people really perceive him as a girl or a guy, but he tries his best to put that insecurity in the very, very back of his mind. What other perceive him as doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, he’s a man. There’s nothing anybody can say or think that would change that. Luckily, he’s always around people that also know that Peter is a guy.

Man, he really loves his boyfriend. Wade’s just… so nice and validating, and how did Peter get so lucky?

He’s washing his hands and just, wow, Wade is actually The Best Boyfriend. He’s gonna tell Wade that as soon as possible.

As he gets out of the bathroom, he sprints and tackles Wade into another hug.

“Whoa, dude, I am holding a glass of water. You’re lucky you’re a twig, and I’m, like, not.” Wade gasps.

Peter retracts himself from Wade’s abdomen and grabs both his shoulder, arms straight in front of him, and stares him down, “Dude. I love you.” 

Wade’s eyes widen, “Oh my god! Dude! That’s crazy! I love you too! Do you think we can get matching tattoos that say ‘Bros For Life’ but with a ‘y’ instead of an ‘i’?”

Breaking the weird scene, Peter giggles and takes the glass from Wade’s hand. “Babe, if we actually got matching tattoos, it’d definitely be lyfe with a ‘y’.”

“Yes!!” Wade pumps his fist, and then kisses him on the cheek. They’ve really got this whole domestic thing going on. “And here’s some advil. Um, the weighted blanket is, uh, nowhere to be found. I think we left it in your apartment.”

Peter takes the Advil, “Oh. Yeah, May wanted to wash it.”

“Yeah, kinda had… lots of… chimichanga stains.” Wade sighs, “Can’t believe you, Pete, pouring grease on your own favorite blanket? What is this? Democracy?” He drapes himself over Peter’s back, making a warm weight along his spine.

Peter rolls his eyes jokingly, “Oh, yeah, I just felt it needed a bit more details.”

“Hnggg everything always does!” Wade hums into his shoulder. “Wanna sleep now?”

Turning around to face Wade in the weird hug Wade attempted at, Peter raises an eyebrow, “And not find out whether Miles ever learns to use his spider powers? What do you take me for? A madman?” He grabs Wade’s hands and pulls them to the couch.

They settle down and cuddle, multiple fluffy blankets are involved, and Peter discovers that Wade’s hand is big and warm enough to replace a hot water bottle. It’s very very nice. His cramps approve. 

“You know, I’m kinda in love with you.” Peter whispers as Miles’ hand gets stuck in Gwanda’s hair. His back is against Wade’s chest and a muscular arm wrapped around him with Wade’s hand pressed against his belly.

Wade turns his head to kiss Peter’s temple and whispers against it, “I’m kinda very in love with _ you_.”

Peter smiles and turns around to fully kiss Wade on the mouth. Wade smiles into it, and even though Peter can’t see it, he knows it’s the most beautiful smile ever.

**Author's Note:**

> did u know? they're in love? 
> 
> also. periods suck ass, im nonbinary myself, but like no matter what gender u are, they're still dumb and painful ew
> 
> idk how this ao3 spacing works out im trying my best at 1 am ok


End file.
